At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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