I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
