Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
