I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
