"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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