Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize