guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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