omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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