If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
