He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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