Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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