Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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