He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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