i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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