dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
