I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
