she was so not down for the gang bang
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
