I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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