her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
