fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
