Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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