I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.