I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you need anything just hit me up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I gave a random lady a dildo