Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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