He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
