You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
