theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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