And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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