Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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