um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
