im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
