There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This baby is an asshole
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
