Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
