Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
