I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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