I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
