i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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