FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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