8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
