Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
is that a dick in a sweater?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
