I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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