can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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