I wish I could teleport
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
