He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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