so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
