I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
