so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
this will be a night to untag.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
