I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
