Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
