Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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