I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
