I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We are two peas in an std pod
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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