So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
