Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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