Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
