my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
