it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He shit in the fireplace
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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