i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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