we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
