Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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