I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
