I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
