You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I forget how to act sober
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
