Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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