he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Operation Purity has been aborted
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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