we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
