How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
