Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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