that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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