I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
