I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
