how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
