um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
