Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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