I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
