FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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