Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
