all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
